The boy must die again

Caveat : this one is strictly for men, ladies please close this page. 
I’d written a similar blog post to this one but felt the issue needed more addressing. There has always been a glaring misinterpretation of growing up and growing old, growing old is a must, it happens as every second turns into minutes, minutes into hours and so on, we can’t delay it. On the other hand growing up is an entirely different thing, it’s an increasing awareness of self and an advancement to maturity.

I’m here to talk about how it affects the male folk particularly. We as men have forgotten some important values, and are generally becoming more immature as a result. There doesn’t seem to be a differentiation between manliness and egocentric chauvinist behavior in a lot of people’s minds, which is truly sad. You have people saying things like 30 is the new 20, and grown men acting like entitled spoiled children. The truth is that once you’ve stepped into your mid-20s you should have gained enough life experience to be able to behave like a mature adult.

The thing is, few young people – and too few older people as well, I’m sad to say – don’t really know what it means to be a mature man. A truly mature man is a strong and confident individual, and must be able to play the roles of Protector, provider and procreator with utter composure. Being a confident individual who knows a thing or two about life, understands that others depend on him and has his priorities straight, a mature man will never exhibit behaviors associated with inexperienced, immature and weak people. 

For the first time in history, women are better educated, more ambitious and arguably more successful than men.Now, society has rightly celebrated the ascension of one sex. We said, “You go girl,” and they went. We celebrate the ascension of women but what will we do about what appears to be the very real decline of the other sex? 

It starts with you, grow a pair and be more responsible. 

My anger is expensive

Hey, 

If someone told me I’d be dropping another post this night I’d have doubted it, but this one was just too tough a pill to swallow, this pill is called Anger. 

Anger is a natural and mostly automatic response to pain of one form or another (physical or emotional). Anger can occur when people don’t feel well, feel rejected, feel threatened, or experience some loss. The type of pain does not matter; the important thing is that the pain experienced is unpleasant. Because anger never occurs in isolation but rather is necessarily preceded by pain feelings, it is often characterized as a ”secondhand” emotion. 

We’ve all felt the furnace of wrath rising in us like molten mercury in a thermometer. Different sparks light the fire for each of us: disappointment, failure, disagreement, stress, betrayal, finances, exhaustion, and more. Whatever it is on any given day, anger can leave us lying in bed, contemplating another one-night stand against someone (or everyone).

Passionately guard your anger because it brings a pleasure we don’t feel as quickly or easily in humility or forgiveness. We ironically (and tragically) find comfort in our discomfort, and peace in our internal chaos. But Jesus says, “Everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire” (Matthew 5:22). We desperately and irrationally chase healing in our anger, but we find hell there instead letting Satan have his way with us.

So tonight I won’t go to bed with my anger. It will harm me, not heal me. It will betray me, not vindicate me. And it will not produce the justice or reconciliation I need. I’ll Clothe myself, instead, with the awesome power of patience and forgiveness. “Whoever is slow to anger” — and quick to surrender it before bedtime — “is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city” (Proverbs 16:32).

The price of my anger just went up, so high that no one can afford it. 

Goodnight. 

It’s ok to lust

Hey,

So i took out time to do something i hadn’t done in a long time – i went for Novena with mum. Its been a while since i went for one of these so i couldn’t help but feel nostalgic.

The reverend father gave a sermon that really hit home and what stood out was his take on concupiscence (trust me it was my first time hearing the word too). We believe baptism removes original sin and confers the life of the Trinity. But it is grace, not magic, and because of this, the Church teaches that the effects of original sin remain, much as we can still have a “trick knee” after the knee surgery is finished and healed. Baptism gives us the life of grace to strengthen us. But precisely why we need strength is that we are still left to struggle with the darkened mind, weakened will, and disordered appetites — in a word, concupiscence.

The reason this matters is that concupiscence is not, in itself, sinful. It is merely the “catalyst for sin.” So what? Well, if you believe that sin is the reality of who we are — in short, if you subscribe to some sort of half-baked notion of Total Depravity — and you believe that virtue is the mask, then every temptation will be seen not as a moral battlefield upon which we are to work out our salvation with fear and trembling, with the help of a loving Father, but as further proof of what scum you are. If you believe that every time you are tempted, God is standing there saying, “And you call yourself a Christian! If you really loved me, you wouldn’t feel tempted! This just shows what you really are!” you are going to react differently than you would to a God who is rooting for you, interceding for you, and supplying you with grace to help you in your hour of trial.

First, neither concupiscence nor sin is a “gift of God.” They are things that the gift of God (grace) is ordered to help us overcome and triumph over. Therefore, while concupiscence is not sin and sin is not unforgivable, we cannot deal with it by pretending it is a “gift” or demanding that everybody affirm us in our “okayness” and pretending that our disordered appetites are peachy. They aren’t. They are disordered. I don’t need somebody to offer me a cigarette in order to make me feel better about my smoking habit. I need them to support me as I try to stop smoking and live healthier. It seems to me that somebody struggling with other disordered appetites needs much the same combination of support and moral firmness.

Certainly, I have had any number of people tell me things like, “Hey pothead! smoking is a sin! Why don’t you stop it, addict? You’re disgusting.” Such people may lie to themselves that they are “rebuking” in caring love, but, of course, they are simply speaking in malice by stabbing a penitent in the rawest spot of his conflicted heart. They mean to be cruel. They are the reason so many people struggling with concupiscence give up and embrace their sin — or suicide. After all, if even penitence is rewarded by people with a vicious kick in the teeth, then why believe in all that mercy stuff people go on about?

It doesn’t matter how often the accuser lies and tells us that our disordered appetites or sins constitute the truth about us. The accuser is a liar and the father of lies. Don’t listen to him. Listen to God, who loves you, delights in you, gives grace and mercy in your weakness, and wills your happiness.

relief

Hey bro

I drafted this 4 years ago but never got around publishing it, pardon my typographical errors.

Sundays
Sports Authority of India – Kandivali (east)

Days and days passed, actually hours had just passed and I was feeling a lot better, its weird that i’m black and find solace most times in genre’s of music you wouldn’t expect me to be listening to, either way I was just out of football practice for the day, walking home thinking about things that had happened to me while I was in Nigeria and obviously India, I was like “whatever man” life goes on.. not too far off from home I met a friend, he should be in his 40’s, he was the most learned person I had as a friend, a successful life in Kenya, a good paying job and his family that lived there aswell, he had such exposure that made him the most ideal person i could relate with. I hadn’t seen him in a while so I knew we’d do a lot of catching up. After the normal pleasantries in Hindi, we got talk talking and the normal and obvious topic – Adapting to Mumbai – came up, he broke everything down to me, after I had explained the bad break ups, problems at school etc. Surprisingly everything he said made complete sense and made me realize that life is not about where you are, its about what you do – where i was – India was the worst place I had been and i came here at just 18, I have felt the full force of being hurt in many ways, but the hope for a better day to come remains, that “better day” will never come if i don’t face up and take the rainy days head on, giving it all i have, never backing down, looking in the face of fear and bringing it to its knees. Failure is constant, it’s the perseverance that keeps you going. The one thing he said that stuck out was “people will always come to you, to try to be friends, you might have good intentions but what if they don’t?? don’t put your trust in someone who cant break it…put your trust in God” even if you’re an atheist we might just have the right mix of opposite and matching behaviors that create good chemistry, it’s a fact. It made me realize that there’s always hope, there’s always a better day ahead, if you’re breathing, if you’re reading this message, then what is it that you are cribbing about?? My brother once told me “imagine giving a day to someone that’s dead what do you think they’d spend it doing?? Even if they have just an hour to live” sure as hell not complaining about break ups or racist remarks.

Bad days always come they’ll never cease, living through them and coming out is the only end result, clothes torn, face full of fatigue, whatever! You lived through it right? Give up hope and it simply means you couldn’t do what the next person could, there are no problems that are new someone else lived through them so why cant you, flick the dirt of your shoulder and let the real you emancipate.

Move with grace, endure with hope and survive with perseverance……..this world is at your feet….take it!

How to spot infidelity

Given how common it is for people to cheat on their romantic partners, I feel compelled to share with you a tool for preventing and predicting infidelity.

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This tool can also be used to strengthen the connection between two people in a marriage or a long-term relationship. In reality, unless a relationship has truly run its course, most people who cheat end up regretting their choice and hurting more people than they could ever anticipate. Wouldn’t it be helpful to conduct a simple self-assessment to gauge the strength of your connection? This way you can make adjustments before it’s too late.

The slippery slope into the world of infidelity becomes harder to reverse as you get closer to the edge of breaking your commitment to your spouse or partner. That’s why it’s so valuable to have something concrete to measure so you can keep your actions from passing the point of no return — unless you’re willing to lose it all.

As you’ll soon understand, my relationship advice is best tested on yourself and not on your significant other. Why? Because your partner is likely to bend the truth, especially if he or she is moving in the direction of infidelity.

So let’s focus on something that YOU can take responsibility for.

What am I referring to?

Your fantasy life.

Yup, let’s talk about your inner world of sexual fantasies, which contains a vast network of mental images and videos. You can judge the strength of your sexual connection based on the content of your fantasies.

So basically, if you’re constantly thinking about someone else during sex with your partner, then there’s a good chance you’ll step outside of the relationship. The odds of infidelity increase if your partner rarely or never becomes the subject of your sexual fantasies over a period of years.

Of course, it’s inevitable that other people will, at least occasionally, find their way into your fantasy life.

We’re all human. Some conversion of real-life interaction into fantasy begins to take place behind the scenes outside of your conscious control.

For example, one day you might wake up from a dream and say to yourself, “Yikes, why the hell did I dream about THAT person?”

Without any negative intentions, you soon find yourself thinking more and more about this random person and before you know it, he or she becomes the object of an occasional fantasy. Other processes of including other people in your fantasies are more intentional and disloyal. For example, you find yourself sharing intimate details about your love life with someone who you find attractive, such as a coworker or classmate.

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You begin to idealize this person and run mental videos of him or her fulfilling your unmet physical or emotional needs. Over time, idealized images of this person become increasingly arousing, and eventually they dominate your inner fantasy world, even when you’re supposed to be thinking about your spouse or significant other.

The constant appearance of other people in your conscious fantasy life is usually a sign that you’re emotionally disconnected from your partner. This disconnection might be the result of boredom in and out of the bedroom, a lack of commitment to keeping your sex life fresh and a growing resentment of your partner.

Here’s the plan: If you’ve been thinking about other people in your sexual fantasies for months or years and you’re invested in remaining in your current relationship, then you must find a way to include your partner in your fantasy life.

Will it to happen!

Think of what you find sexy about him or her and make sure that he or she is frequently the object of your fantasies. You can do it. I promise you this will improve your connection to your significant other both in and out of the bedroom. Another important recommendation is to find the courage to talk with him or her about any sense of disconnection you have in the bedroom or in life overall. Sometimes the key to a more loyal fantasy life is to make it safer for your partner to play out your fantasies with you alone in the bedroom.

A few hot encounters with your partner that tap into your fantasies can stimulate a world of mental imagery and scenarios. Use my advice as a guide for gauging the health and loyalty of your inner world, and you’ll enjoy many years of good sex and great connection to the one you love.

Please keep in mind that altering your inner fantasy world takes time, willpower and a strong interest in building a healthy and long-lasting relationship.

In essence, you’ll be paying the relationship forward by taking preventative action. Lastly, do not underestimate the power of your fantasy life to alter how you think, feel and act in and out of the bedroom with your partner.

It has the power to make or break your relationship…be careful.

4 traits of the Quintessential Cool Guy

So what is it that separates the “cool” guys from the “uncool” guys?

What is “cool”?

What is it that makes a few rare people the kind of people that EVERYONE wants to be around?

What is it about UN-cool guys that repels other people, and makes women run away?

And what is it about this element that I’m calling “cool” that makes guys who have it attract more women than they can handle?

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THE DEFINITION OF COOL

I personally think that being “cool” comes down to:

1) Being independent

2) Being indifferent

3) Being funny

4) Being socially adjusted

Before I get into each of these in detail, I want to mention something…

Usually, I tend to stick to techniques to help you meet more women, or give you advice to get past limiting beliefs, etc.

I’ve realized recently that there are a few BASIC, FUNDAMENTAL things that we, as guys, need to really “get” about interacting with other people before we start trying to learn advanced stuff, like how to approach and meet women. If you don’t have some of the basic things handled, all the fancy techniques in the world won’t fix your problem.

So stick with me here, this is important.

OK, so let’s talk about the four components that I mentioned above.

BEING INDEPENDENT

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Independent is the OPPOSITE of “dependent”.

When you act “dependent”, you lean on others, you look to them for approval, you ask what they think before you make a decision, you tend to want to stay physically close to them, and your feelings tend to depend on what others feel and think of you.

When you act INDEPENDENT, you lean back, you do things because YOU decided you wanted to, you don’t ask others what they think – instead you decide yourself, you are fine walking away from your friends for awhile when you’re out, and your feelings are controlled by what YOU think, not what others think.

A “dependent” person will go into a bar with friends, stick close to them all night, ask what everyone else is drinking before they order, get upset easily about things that others say, and constantly be looking for attention and approval in some way.

An INDEPENDENT person, on the other hand, will go into a bar with friends and be more likely to… walk away and look around the place ALONE to see who’s there – and feel fine about leaving their friends for awhile and striking up a conversation with a stranger… They’ll order a drink if they want, or water if they want – and not care what everyone else is drinking… They’ll be cool and calm no matter what happens – even if others are getting upset around them… And, most importantly, they aren’t looking to others for attention and approval. They’re doing their own thing, and enjoying whatever happens.

BEING INDIFFERENT

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Most people in this world are ATTACHED to the outcomes of things. They’re constantly worrying about what’s going to happen… and talking about the future in a fearful, uncertain way.

This type of person always wants to know what other people think of them, and they’re worrying about what they should do so other people will like them. Unfortunately, this almost ALWAYS comes across as INSECURITY.

An INDIFFERENT person, on the other hand, just goes about life and takes things as they come.

The indifferent person is INDIFFERENT to the outcome of whatever situation they’re in.

If it’s a man, and he’s approaching a woman, he will be OK with whatever happens. If she’s nice to him, great. If she’s uptight, no problem. If she’s rich, famous, and beautiful… and starts coming on to him, fine. No big deal.

When you are ATTACHED to the outcome of a situation, it makes you act all kinds of freaky. You pause, act nervous, hold back, look for approval, act insecure… and any of 100 other unattractive things.

On the other hand, when you’re INDIFFERENT to the outcome, it makes you MAGNETIC. Especially when it comes to women and dating. Indifference is the ultimate way to show a LACK of insecurity in life.

BEING FUNNY

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Humor is magic.

It’s a complete mystery why we find things “funny” and why we “laugh”.

Crying because someone died makes some logical sense. It’s a bad thing, and crying expresses a negative emotion.

But when you see a dog run into a window because he doesn’t see it… and he gets a confused look on his face, you LAUGH. What’s with that?

Humor is interesting to me, in that if you’re funny, it makes people FEEL GOOD inside. They laugh, and it triggers positive feelings.

If you’re not naturally funny, it’s a great skill to learn. Read books. Watch live comedy. Do whatever it takes to learn how to be funny.

Most of the “coolest” guys I know are wickedly funny. Some of them are only funny on occasion… but they “get it”… and when they do make a joke, it’s DAMN funny.

BEING SOCIALLY ADJUSTED

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I know that this sounds funny, but most of the people I know who are “UN-cool” are not very adjusted socially.

They lack a certain something in the “social skills” department that makes it OBVIOUS to others (and especially to women) that they don’t know how to relate very well to other people. They just never learned how to make others feel comfortable around them.

If you’ve ever known an accountant or computer programmer that was brilliantly smart, but totally boring, you know what I mean.

If people act kind of nervous, strange, and uncomfortable when they’re around you, then you also know where I’m coming from on this.

I can’t teach you how to make people feel comfortable around you in two sentences, but if you need to learn how to mix with people socially, then start PAYING ATTENTION to what’s going on around you.

Watch how others dress, carry themselves, walk, and talk. Pay attention to little details… like saying, “What’s up?” when you meet someone new, instead of “Hello, pleased to meet you” and such.

…now, is this all there is to being “cool”?

Of course not.

But it’s a great start.

If you can first get yourself to the place where other people want to be around you just because they enjoy your company, you’ll find that taking things to the next level with women will be about 10 times easier.

I’ve had this conversation with MANY of the guys I know who are successful with women, and they all basically say the same thing… you have to learn how to be “cool” and make others (women) feel comfortable just being in the same room with you. And if you’re “cool”, this happens almost instantly. If you’re not “cool”, then you’re going
to have a hard time making ANYONE feel comfortable with you… never mind having a woman feelATTRACTION for you.

Now, I also realized that a lot of the materials that I teach in my eBook is aimed at this EXACT topic.

Even though I don’t talk very much about this concept (I will in the future, though), you’ll notice that many of the techniques you’ll learn from my materials will help you in a lot of areas of your life… not just with women.

As a direct result of the things I’ve learned about how to be more successful with women and dating, I’ve ALSO become more successful at things like being invited to “exclusive” parties, having famous and successful people pursue me as a friend, and just generally being invited into more “exclusive” social circles.

Why is this?

Well, for one thing, people who know a lot of “cool” or influential people are very careful about who they “bring along” to gatherings with friends.

The LAST thing someone “cool” needs in their life is an “UN-cool” person making a jackass of themselves in front of all of their friends.

When you learn the art of being “cool”, you start to attract other cool people. And those people will see that you’re not insecure, emotionally unstable, clingy, and such. They’ll see that you know how to handle yourself with other people (and with women), and they’ll start introducing you to other cool people (including women) instead of running away from you.

How to spot a Real friend

Friendship is one of the best aspects of life. That said, certain friends are certainly much better than others. A real friend and fake friend can be hard to distinguish, but they are very different! Real friends are people you can go to for anything. You know they will always be on your side, through thick and thin. Fake friends might as well be scum of the Earth for all the support they will give you. Use this guide to figure out if your friends are your real friends!

 

1. Support you in all your endeavors

A real best friend will encourage you with anything that you try! Whether it be taking up square dancing, or changing your career path, a real friend will be there every step of the way.

2. Love your dorky personality

We all have those dorky things we do on a regular basis. A real friend loves those things! In fact, if they are a true real friend they just might join in with you!

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3. Forgive you for anything

Sometimes you royally screw up. With fake friends, a mistake can cost you a friendship. Real friends will know that sometimes you’ll mess up. They will forgive you because they value your friendship more than your (temporary) mistake.

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4. Always have your back

It isn’t a matter of who is on the other side, what the issue is, or if you’re in the wrong – a real friend will stand by you no matter what. They always are on your side and will fight for you with no questions asked. That’s just what a real friend does!

5. Let you explore your interests
As we grow, we discover new interests, and sometimes they seem very unlike ourselves! Fake friends will make fun of you and tell you to stick to the status quo. *cue High School Musical song* A real friend will let you do your thing and encourage you to explore this new part of yourself.

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6. Know all your little quirks

We all have little quirks about ourselves (IE: we are cranky in the morning, we get flirtatious when drunk, we eat too many dinner rolls, etc.) that only our true friends know about. No one else knows you quite like your real friends. The fact that they notice those little quirks about you is a good sign!

7. They constantly keep in contact

Fake friends will only contact you when they need something or want to know some juicy gossip. Real friends will contact you wherever and whenever because they are always interested in what’s going on in your life. They don’t have to know the latest gossip about your relationship. They might just want to know what you had for lunch today.

8. They keep your secrets

If you can trust anyone to not gossip around town about your dark little secrets, it’s your real friends. Fake friends will treat your secrets like it’s nothing sacred. A real friend values your confidence, and will not tell anyone.

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9. Don’t have to dress to impress

If you have to put on really nice clothes, do your hair, and make sure that you smell nice just to hang out – then you know you have fake friends. A true friend will let you come over in sweatpants with unwashed hair. The worst they might do is make a joke, but they won’t really care at all. They just want to spend time with you. Real friendship is measured in how gross you can look when you hang out!

10. They make time for you

It doesn’t matter if they only have an hour between work and their pottery class, a real friend will let you come over for a drink any time. It isn’t a matter of time, it’s a matter of they want to spend time with you, rather than having time to themselves.

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11. Always have a shoulder to cry on

A big difference between real and fake friends is how they deal with your ups and downs. If you’re feeling down, a fake friend will pat you awkwardly on the shoulder and try to change the subject. Your real friends will wrap you in their arms and listen to you blubber all night, if you want them to. Real friends are there for you, whether you’re happy or sad.

If you’re trying to decide whether your friends are genuine or not, hopefully this guide helped you decipher which kind of friends you surround yourself with! It’s time to get real.

 

Later bro.

The rise of the returnees

Anyone ever wondered why it seems a good chunk of the new tech ventures in Nigeria getting funded and enjoying a nice slice of attention seem to be led mostly by people who have gone off to live abroad and come back home? While I don’t have an opinion whether this is good or bad, I’ll throw some ideas up in the air as to why I think this is so and what the Surulere-bred man can do.

1. People would rather trust their cash to someone they have some sort of common ground with. Think of it… I am a foreigner looking to get into an unknown market and I need a guide into that market, I’d rather it’s someone that can speak my lingo and connect with my experiences and expectations while still being able to relate with the environment/market I am trying to get into. Based on this, it’s easier for an American based fund to finance a Nigerian-born Ivy league Grad for a venture in Nigeria.

2. Distrust of the Nigerian education system. I am not sure of this, but I think the average western businessman still wonders what exactly the Nigerian education system produces. I do too! And so do you. If I assume the system is producing people that can’t draw up a simple cash flow statement, then I most definitely will prefer to give my cash to someone who has gone through a system verified for quality.

3. No historical record of success by local entrepreneurs. I have a million to dole out, I am approached by an entrepreneur born and raised in Nigeria, on his first venture. Though the idea and numbers don’t look bad, I cannot point to anything in the past that the entrepreneur has done that’s significant to use as a predictor of future success. Remember, people invest mostly in people, not their ideas or business plans. On the other hand, I am also approached by yet another entrepreneur who went to MIT and served a year or two at JP Morgan. I will likely ask around about the person’s results while at those institutions. If they look good, they seem to me as a predictor of future success.

I believe though, that as the IJGB set start to make successes out of their ventures and possibly become investors of their own, it would start to go round. Also, as one or two “locals” get funded and make successes of what is entrusted to them, problem 3 will slowly get solved.

One solution for the born-and-bred-in-surulere entrepreneur is to put some money together, go spend some time abroad and come back later. Another is to forget trying to compete for oyinbo funding, face your business and just run a successful operation. With time, your success will become your badge of trust.

Good luck!

 

Reblogged from opeadeoye.com

From Cairo with Love

Last year i visited cairo for a short bit and it changed my life drastically, i fell in love with the place and its serenity but mostly the food – My GOD! – you gotta go there.

When you visit Egypt, there are so many sites that you will want to visit, the length of your trip will never seem long enough! We often meet people during our tours , that have been to Egypt more than 15 times, and they keep returning to see something new! They ask about this newly discovered site, or some new tomb that has been recently uncovered, or even places that they have heard other people talk about! Here in Egypt, you will always find new sites to visit and enjoy. Egypt Tourist Places are really amazing to see with exciting sightseeing scenarios at beautiful monuments.

Visit in EgyptThe adventure that is Egypt never ends! That is why it is a shame if you come to Egypt, especially for the first time, and miss the grandiose sites, such as the Pyramids of Giza, Abu Simbel or the west bank of Luxor, to name but a few. There are so many travellers who fly direct to Upper Egypt to see Luxor and Aswan, hoping that they will be stumble across the Pyramids as well, and then they realize that they have to travel 720Km to Cairo, where the Pyramids actually are, and end up paying $400 extra to travel and see one site, which is most probably about half of what they paid for their entire trip!

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So my advice for you,  is to plan well for your trip before you come. Advance planning is the best way to save time, money and effort, and of course to ensure that you get to see the sites that you have been dreaming about for some time.

Try, as much as possible, to visit as many of the places that your trip will allow! There is nothing worse than going home and wishing you had visited somewhere you didn’t! We both know that you don’t get the opportunity to visit Egypt everyday!

How to Ask a Girl Out

by David DeAngelo

I have a question for you…

When you get a woman’s number and you’re picking up the phone to call and “ask her out”, does it bother you?

Do you get freaked out?

Do you start thinking about exactly what you’re going to say, how you’re going to say it, how to deal with her rejecting you… etc.?

Do you ever get NERVOUS when you’re dialing the phone?

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You know that feeling when you just start getting anxious for no logical reason, and you just CAN’T control it?

Have you ever had to actually HANG UP because you were so damn freaked out… and you just couldn’t follow through with it?

OK, now another set of interesting questions…

Have you ever called a woman, and started talking to her, only to realize that she was in a COMPLETELY different mood from the last time?

Have you ever had a woman “turn cold” on you all of a sudden?

It’s almost like you’re talking to a different person from the girl you met just a day or two before… and it makes no sense to you… right?

And finally…

Have you ever worked up the nerve to call, gotten her on the phone, had a great conversation, but when it came time to ask her out, you froze up because you didn’t know what to say?

Or even worse, have you ever gotten to the end of the conversation and asked her out, only to have her answer with:

“Well, maybe… call me Friday afternoon… OK?”

or…

“Actually, I’m going to be busy all this week, but thanks for asking… (silence)”…?

Have you ever had one of those conversations where you could just TELL that something wasn’t right… and that she wasn’t going to be taking you up on your date offer, or calling you back at all anytime soon?

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So why all the problems?

What is it about these particular few minutes that constantly ends in problems for guys?

I personally think that this issue comes down to a few key DEEPER ISSUES.

And I think that if you don’t have these other issues “handled”, you’re going to keep running into problems… and NEVER even know WHY…

…which sucks.

I mean, it’s bad enough to keep having a particular problem and not figure out how to solve it… but the idea that the solution is in doing something you would never think of is a little bit maddening.

In other words, I think that this is all about understanding the problem, and actually PREVENTING it from coming up… rather than trying to “solve it” in the moment.

Let me put it this way…

If you’re dialing the phone, and you’re starting to feel nervous, then it’s already too late to solve the problem.

No quick fix will help you.

Or if you’re on the phone with her and you have just asked her out on a date, and she says “Um, let me call you back in a few days and tell you”… and you start to get that sinking feeling because you know she’s blowing you off… IT’S TOO LATE.

There’s no “magic pill” at this point.

The answer is PREVENTION.

THE MAGIC FORMULA

So, let’s take a few minutes and talk about the issues and what CAUSES them.

Here are some of the “root causes”, and how I see them…

1) Having no other options.

If you’re sitting at the phone with ONE phone number in your hand, and you haven’t been out on a date in a long time, and you are feeling DESPERATE, you’re probably going to get VERY nervous.

When you have no other options, the single one in front of you becomes VERY valuable.

Translation: You want it TOO badly.

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This AUTOMATICALLY triggers your emotional system, because at some level you realize that if you screw this up, it’s all over. And you know that it’s all going to happen in just a few SECONDS.

The pressure is too much!

2) Putting too much importance on a single girl.

Now, if you have a girl that you’ve been dating for six months, and you’ve decided that she’s one in a million, it makes sense to put a lot of importance on your relationship with her.

But, if you don’t know a girl very well, or you haven’t even dated her at all, then you are only setting yourself up for major disappointment by putting too much importance on ANY girl.

3) Thinking you need to IMPRESS her.

This is a HUGE issue.

Most men “subconsciously” behave and communicate like they’re trying to IMPRESS the woman of their desires.

When you think about this, it only makes sense… of course you’d want to impress the woman you like… so she’ll think you’re a cool guy and want to be with you.

But have you ever thought for a moment how an interesting, attractive woman sees it when a guy
is TRYING to IMPRESS her?

Well, here’s the INSTANT and SUBCONSCIOUS response that women have:

“He’s trying too hard. There’s something wrong. This guy must have something he’s trying to hide… and he must be pretty insecure.”

In other words, the INSTANT you do something or say something that is an obvious attempt at impressing a woman, her radar system screams:

“WUSSY!”

4) Having expectations and being attached to them.

You might think of this one as a variation of “wanting it too much”… only slightly different.

When you start getting your hopes and expectations up, you begin to get ATTACHED to them.

Then you run the risk of HOLDING ON TOO TIGHT to your little fantasy.

Bad idea.

Women don’t date guys who assume too much, act too comfortable, or fall for them too quickly.

Remember, beautiful women have guys falling for them left and right.

In fact, they almost EXPECT to go out on one or two dates with a guy and then say, “You know, I really like you…” or some other equally predictable sentiment.

Just like being desperate can destroy your chances with a woman, liking a woman too much, too fast and creating expectations leads to crazy, stupid mistakes as well.

Now, think over what I just said…

I’m basically saying that if you want to cure the problem of freaking out when you call women to ask them out and the problem of screwing it up when you have that first conversation and ask them out the first time, then you have to go INSIDE first… and do some preventative maintenance on yourself.

And the GOOD NEWS is that this stuff is not only good for you, it also helps you get even MORE dates with interesting women.

So, here’s what to do about this particular problem:

1) Get more options.

If you go out one evening with a couple of friends, and you meet a REALLY hot girl… and you wind up having a fun conversation and getting her number, what should you do?

RIGHT! Go get at least ONE MORE girl’s number. More, if you can.

This way, when you’re picking up the phone to call (or sending out emails, or whatever), you’ve got another woman to call right after her…

In other words, if it doesn’t go well, no big deal. No sweat at all.

Instead of putting all your “hopes” in this one situation, go get more options… this will prevent many problems as well as giving you more women to date!

And think about it… when are you MOST likely to get a woman’s phone number? When are you most likely to be in a great mood that actually ATTRACTS women?

Exactly… in the moments after you’ve already gotten another woman’s number.

So take advantage of this time!

2) Dial the phone expecting it to NOT work out with this girl.

I have news for you: Most women have something about their personality, behavior, future plans, etc. that is going to disqualify them from being good “potential mates” for you.

Now, I’m not saying that “all women are screwed up”, etc.

What I AM saying is that you need to realize that the only reason you’re freaking out so much is because your EMOTIONS are running the show.

You need to think about how rare it is that you actually meet a girl that is COMPATIBLE with you… that you’d enjoy spending time with even if she wasn’t good-looking.

If you have this in mind as you’re dialing the phone, you won’t have that “I’m desperate” vibe going on.

You won’t be talking like a guy who has a gun to his head either… which is a good thing… because women get weirded out by this kind of thing.

3) Instead of asking a woman out, tell her what you’re doing, and then tell her she can come along if she wants.

Why is “asking a woman out” early on a bad idea? Because if you don’t have a world-class understanding of male/female dynamics, you’re going to come across as a guy who is trying to use food as date-bait.

In other words, if the first thing out of your mouth is “I’d like to take you out to dinner” it’s going to be interpreted as “I don’t think you’re probably going to accept an invitation to spend time with me unless I throw in something extra…”.

Weak.

And that’s how SHE sees it.

The alternative?

Tell her that you’re going to be doing something and that she should join you.

“Hey, I’m going to go down to Starbucks and get a cup of tea. You should join me. I’m way more fun than whatever else you were going to do… and that’s a fact!”

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Extra bonus points:

Hint that she’s missing out if she doesn’t accept immediately.

If she hems and haws, or hesitates… just interrupt and say, “Hey, you’re the one who’s missing out”.

I also like “You know, never mind. I guess you don’t like to have fun…”.

Great stuff!

This is solid Cocky & Funny material, and it’s the right time to use it.

You know, I personally used to get VERY freaked out when calling women for the first time on the phone… and “asking them out”.

Now that I understand this particular “moment in time” better, and now that I understand more of the “dynamics” of what’s going on, I get MUCH better results personally…

In fact, I never get “nervous” anymore when calling women, and I rarely if EVER have a woman “flake out” on me.

Now, in this newsletter I’ve shared a few points to help you get better results in this particular area. Use them. They’ll definitely help you.

You should read this newsletter right before you call every one of the next 10 women you meet… in fact.