by David DeAngelo
I have a question for you…
When you get a woman’s number and you’re picking up the phone to call and “ask her out”, does it bother you?
Do you get freaked out?
Do you start thinking about exactly what you’re going to say, how you’re going to say it, how to deal with her rejecting you… etc.?
Do you ever get NERVOUS when you’re dialing the phone?
You know that feeling when you just start getting anxious for no logical reason, and you just CAN’T control it?
Have you ever had to actually HANG UP because you were so damn freaked out… and you just couldn’t follow through with it?
OK, now another set of interesting questions…
Have you ever called a woman, and started talking to her, only to realize that she was in a COMPLETELY different mood from the last time?
Have you ever had a woman “turn cold” on you all of a sudden?
It’s almost like you’re talking to a different person from the girl you met just a day or two before… and it makes no sense to you… right?
Have you ever worked up the nerve to call, gotten her on the phone, had a great conversation, but when it came time to ask her out, you froze up because you didn’t know what to say?
Or even worse, have you ever gotten to the end of the conversation and asked her out, only to have her answer with:
“Well, maybe… call me Friday afternoon… OK?”
“Actually, I’m going to be busy all this week, but thanks for asking… (silence)”…?
Have you ever had one of those conversations where you could just TELL that something wasn’t right… and that she wasn’t going to be taking you up on your date offer, or calling you back at all anytime soon?
So why all the problems?
What is it about these particular few minutes that constantly ends in problems for guys?
I personally think that this issue comes down to a few key DEEPER ISSUES.
And I think that if you don’t have these other issues “handled”, you’re going to keep running into problems… and NEVER even know WHY…
I mean, it’s bad enough to keep having a particular problem and not figure out how to solve it… but the idea that the solution is in doing something you would never think of is a little bit maddening.
In other words, I think that this is all about understanding the problem, and actually PREVENTING it from coming up… rather than trying to “solve it” in the moment.
Let me put it this way…
If you’re dialing the phone, and you’re starting to feel nervous, then it’s already too late to solve the problem.
No quick fix will help you.
Or if you’re on the phone with her and you have just asked her out on a date, and she says “Um, let me call you back in a few days and tell you”… and you start to get that sinking feeling because you know she’s blowing you off… IT’S TOO LATE.
There’s no “magic pill” at this point.
The answer is PREVENTION.
THE MAGIC FORMULA
So, let’s take a few minutes and talk about the issues and what CAUSES them.
Here are some of the “root causes”, and how I see them…
1) Having no other options.
If you’re sitting at the phone with ONE phone number in your hand, and you haven’t been out on a date in a long time, and you are feeling DESPERATE, you’re probably going to get VERY nervous.
When you have no other options, the single one in front of you becomes VERY valuable.
Translation: You want it TOO badly.
This AUTOMATICALLY triggers your emotional system, because at some level you realize that if you screw this up, it’s all over. And you know that it’s all going to happen in just a few SECONDS.
The pressure is too much!
2) Putting too much importance on a single girl.
Now, if you have a girl that you’ve been dating for six months, and you’ve decided that she’s one in a million, it makes sense to put a lot of importance on your relationship with her.
But, if you don’t know a girl very well, or you haven’t even dated her at all, then you are only setting yourself up for major disappointment by putting too much importance on ANY girl.
3) Thinking you need to IMPRESS her.
This is a HUGE issue.
Most men “subconsciously” behave and communicate like they’re trying to IMPRESS the woman of their desires.
When you think about this, it only makes sense… of course you’d want to impress the woman you like… so she’ll think you’re a cool guy and want to be with you.
But have you ever thought for a moment how an interesting, attractive woman sees it when a guy
is TRYING to IMPRESS her?
Well, here’s the INSTANT and SUBCONSCIOUS response that women have:
“He’s trying too hard. There’s something wrong. This guy must have something he’s trying to hide… and he must be pretty insecure.”
In other words, the INSTANT you do something or say something that is an obvious attempt at impressing a woman, her radar system screams:
4) Having expectations and being attached to them.
You might think of this one as a variation of “wanting it too much”… only slightly different.
When you start getting your hopes and expectations up, you begin to get ATTACHED to them.
Then you run the risk of HOLDING ON TOO TIGHT to your little fantasy.
Women don’t date guys who assume too much, act too comfortable, or fall for them too quickly.
Remember, beautiful women have guys falling for them left and right.
In fact, they almost EXPECT to go out on one or two dates with a guy and then say, “You know, I really like you…” or some other equally predictable sentiment.
Just like being desperate can destroy your chances with a woman, liking a woman too much, too fast and creating expectations leads to crazy, stupid mistakes as well.
Now, think over what I just said…
I’m basically saying that if you want to cure the problem of freaking out when you call women to ask them out and the problem of screwing it up when you have that first conversation and ask them out the first time, then you have to go INSIDE first… and do some preventative maintenance on yourself.
And the GOOD NEWS is that this stuff is not only good for you, it also helps you get even MORE dates with interesting women.
So, here’s what to do about this particular problem:
1) Get more options.
If you go out one evening with a couple of friends, and you meet a REALLY hot girl… and you wind up having a fun conversation and getting her number, what should you do?
RIGHT! Go get at least ONE MORE girl’s number. More, if you can.
This way, when you’re picking up the phone to call (or sending out emails, or whatever), you’ve got another woman to call right after her…
In other words, if it doesn’t go well, no big deal. No sweat at all.
Instead of putting all your “hopes” in this one situation, go get more options… this will prevent many problems as well as giving you more women to date!
And think about it… when are you MOST likely to get a woman’s phone number? When are you most likely to be in a great mood that actually ATTRACTS women?
Exactly… in the moments after you’ve already gotten another woman’s number.
So take advantage of this time!
2) Dial the phone expecting it to NOT work out with this girl.
I have news for you: Most women have something about their personality, behavior, future plans, etc. that is going to disqualify them from being good “potential mates” for you.
Now, I’m not saying that “all women are screwed up”, etc.
What I AM saying is that you need to realize that the only reason you’re freaking out so much is because your EMOTIONS are running the show.
You need to think about how rare it is that you actually meet a girl that is COMPATIBLE with you… that you’d enjoy spending time with even if she wasn’t good-looking.
If you have this in mind as you’re dialing the phone, you won’t have that “I’m desperate” vibe going on.
You won’t be talking like a guy who has a gun to his head either… which is a good thing… because women get weirded out by this kind of thing.
3) Instead of asking a woman out, tell her what you’re doing, and then tell her she can come along if she wants.
Why is “asking a woman out” early on a bad idea? Because if you don’t have a world-class understanding of male/female dynamics, you’re going to come across as a guy who is trying to use food as date-bait.
In other words, if the first thing out of your mouth is “I’d like to take you out to dinner” it’s going to be interpreted as “I don’t think you’re probably going to accept an invitation to spend time with me unless I throw in something extra…”.
And that’s how SHE sees it.
Tell her that you’re going to be doing something and that she should join you.
“Hey, I’m going to go down to Starbucks and get a cup of tea. You should join me. I’m way more fun than whatever else you were going to do… and that’s a fact!”
Extra bonus points:
Hint that she’s missing out if she doesn’t accept immediately.
If she hems and haws, or hesitates… just interrupt and say, “Hey, you’re the one who’s missing out”.
I also like “You know, never mind. I guess you don’t like to have fun…”.
This is solid Cocky & Funny material, and it’s the right time to use it.
You know, I personally used to get VERY freaked out when calling women for the first time on the phone… and “asking them out”.
Now that I understand this particular “moment in time” better, and now that I understand more of the “dynamics” of what’s going on, I get MUCH better results personally…
In fact, I never get “nervous” anymore when calling women, and I rarely if EVER have a woman “flake out” on me.
Now, in this newsletter I’ve shared a few points to help you get better results in this particular area. Use them. They’ll definitely help you.
You should read this newsletter right before you call every one of the next 10 women you meet… in fact.