It’s ok to lust

Hey,

So i took out time to do something i hadn’t done in a long time – i went for Novena with mum. Its been a while since i went for one of these so i couldn’t help but feel nostalgic.

The reverend father gave a sermon that really hit home and what stood out was his take on concupiscence (trust me it was my first time hearing the word too). We believe baptism removes original sin and confers the life of the Trinity. But it is grace, not magic, and because of this, the Church teaches that the effects of original sin remain, much as we can still have a “trick knee” after the knee surgery is finished and healed. Baptism gives us the life of grace to strengthen us. But precisely why we need strength is that we are still left to struggle with the darkened mind, weakened will, and disordered appetites — in a word, concupiscence.

The reason this matters is that concupiscence is not, in itself, sinful. It is merely the “catalyst for sin.” So what? Well, if you believe that sin is the reality of who we are — in short, if you subscribe to some sort of half-baked notion of Total Depravity — and you believe that virtue is the mask, then every temptation will be seen not as a moral battlefield upon which we are to work out our salvation with fear and trembling, with the help of a loving Father, but as further proof of what scum you are. If you believe that every time you are tempted, God is standing there saying, “And you call yourself a Christian! If you really loved me, you wouldn’t feel tempted! This just shows what you really are!” you are going to react differently than you would to a God who is rooting for you, interceding for you, and supplying you with grace to help you in your hour of trial.

First, neither concupiscence nor sin is a “gift of God.” They are things that the gift of God (grace) is ordered to help us overcome and triumph over. Therefore, while concupiscence is not sin and sin is not unforgivable, we cannot deal with it by pretending it is a “gift” or demanding that everybody affirm us in our “okayness” and pretending that our disordered appetites are peachy. They aren’t. They are disordered. I don’t need somebody to offer me a cigarette in order to make me feel better about my smoking habit. I need them to support me as I try to stop smoking and live healthier. It seems to me that somebody struggling with other disordered appetites needs much the same combination of support and moral firmness.

Certainly, I have had any number of people tell me things like, “Hey pothead! smoking is a sin! Why don’t you stop it, addict? You’re disgusting.” Such people may lie to themselves that they are “rebuking” in caring love, but, of course, they are simply speaking in malice by stabbing a penitent in the rawest spot of his conflicted heart. They mean to be cruel. They are the reason so many people struggling with concupiscence give up and embrace their sin — or suicide. After all, if even penitence is rewarded by people with a vicious kick in the teeth, then why believe in all that mercy stuff people go on about?

It doesn’t matter how often the accuser lies and tells us that our disordered appetites or sins constitute the truth about us. The accuser is a liar and the father of lies. Don’t listen to him. Listen to God, who loves you, delights in you, gives grace and mercy in your weakness, and wills your happiness.

How to spot infidelity

Given how common it is for people to cheat on their romantic partners, I feel compelled to share with you a tool for preventing and predicting infidelity.

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This tool can also be used to strengthen the connection between two people in a marriage or a long-term relationship. In reality, unless a relationship has truly run its course, most people who cheat end up regretting their choice and hurting more people than they could ever anticipate. Wouldn’t it be helpful to conduct a simple self-assessment to gauge the strength of your connection? This way you can make adjustments before it’s too late.

The slippery slope into the world of infidelity becomes harder to reverse as you get closer to the edge of breaking your commitment to your spouse or partner. That’s why it’s so valuable to have something concrete to measure so you can keep your actions from passing the point of no return — unless you’re willing to lose it all.

As you’ll soon understand, my relationship advice is best tested on yourself and not on your significant other. Why? Because your partner is likely to bend the truth, especially if he or she is moving in the direction of infidelity.

So let’s focus on something that YOU can take responsibility for.

What am I referring to?

Your fantasy life.

Yup, let’s talk about your inner world of sexual fantasies, which contains a vast network of mental images and videos. You can judge the strength of your sexual connection based on the content of your fantasies.

So basically, if you’re constantly thinking about someone else during sex with your partner, then there’s a good chance you’ll step outside of the relationship. The odds of infidelity increase if your partner rarely or never becomes the subject of your sexual fantasies over a period of years.

Of course, it’s inevitable that other people will, at least occasionally, find their way into your fantasy life.

We’re all human. Some conversion of real-life interaction into fantasy begins to take place behind the scenes outside of your conscious control.

For example, one day you might wake up from a dream and say to yourself, “Yikes, why the hell did I dream about THAT person?”

Without any negative intentions, you soon find yourself thinking more and more about this random person and before you know it, he or she becomes the object of an occasional fantasy. Other processes of including other people in your fantasies are more intentional and disloyal. For example, you find yourself sharing intimate details about your love life with someone who you find attractive, such as a coworker or classmate.

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You begin to idealize this person and run mental videos of him or her fulfilling your unmet physical or emotional needs. Over time, idealized images of this person become increasingly arousing, and eventually they dominate your inner fantasy world, even when you’re supposed to be thinking about your spouse or significant other.

The constant appearance of other people in your conscious fantasy life is usually a sign that you’re emotionally disconnected from your partner. This disconnection might be the result of boredom in and out of the bedroom, a lack of commitment to keeping your sex life fresh and a growing resentment of your partner.

Here’s the plan: If you’ve been thinking about other people in your sexual fantasies for months or years and you’re invested in remaining in your current relationship, then you must find a way to include your partner in your fantasy life.

Will it to happen!

Think of what you find sexy about him or her and make sure that he or she is frequently the object of your fantasies. You can do it. I promise you this will improve your connection to your significant other both in and out of the bedroom. Another important recommendation is to find the courage to talk with him or her about any sense of disconnection you have in the bedroom or in life overall. Sometimes the key to a more loyal fantasy life is to make it safer for your partner to play out your fantasies with you alone in the bedroom.

A few hot encounters with your partner that tap into your fantasies can stimulate a world of mental imagery and scenarios. Use my advice as a guide for gauging the health and loyalty of your inner world, and you’ll enjoy many years of good sex and great connection to the one you love.

Please keep in mind that altering your inner fantasy world takes time, willpower and a strong interest in building a healthy and long-lasting relationship.

In essence, you’ll be paying the relationship forward by taking preventative action. Lastly, do not underestimate the power of your fantasy life to alter how you think, feel and act in and out of the bedroom with your partner.

It has the power to make or break your relationship…be careful.

4 traits of the Quintessential Cool Guy

So what is it that separates the “cool” guys from the “uncool” guys?

What is “cool”?

What is it that makes a few rare people the kind of people that EVERYONE wants to be around?

What is it about UN-cool guys that repels other people, and makes women run away?

And what is it about this element that I’m calling “cool” that makes guys who have it attract more women than they can handle?

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THE DEFINITION OF COOL

I personally think that being “cool” comes down to:

1) Being independent

2) Being indifferent

3) Being funny

4) Being socially adjusted

Before I get into each of these in detail, I want to mention something…

Usually, I tend to stick to techniques to help you meet more women, or give you advice to get past limiting beliefs, etc.

I’ve realized recently that there are a few BASIC, FUNDAMENTAL things that we, as guys, need to really “get” about interacting with other people before we start trying to learn advanced stuff, like how to approach and meet women. If you don’t have some of the basic things handled, all the fancy techniques in the world won’t fix your problem.

So stick with me here, this is important.

OK, so let’s talk about the four components that I mentioned above.

BEING INDEPENDENT

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Independent is the OPPOSITE of “dependent”.

When you act “dependent”, you lean on others, you look to them for approval, you ask what they think before you make a decision, you tend to want to stay physically close to them, and your feelings tend to depend on what others feel and think of you.

When you act INDEPENDENT, you lean back, you do things because YOU decided you wanted to, you don’t ask others what they think – instead you decide yourself, you are fine walking away from your friends for awhile when you’re out, and your feelings are controlled by what YOU think, not what others think.

A “dependent” person will go into a bar with friends, stick close to them all night, ask what everyone else is drinking before they order, get upset easily about things that others say, and constantly be looking for attention and approval in some way.

An INDEPENDENT person, on the other hand, will go into a bar with friends and be more likely to… walk away and look around the place ALONE to see who’s there – and feel fine about leaving their friends for awhile and striking up a conversation with a stranger… They’ll order a drink if they want, or water if they want – and not care what everyone else is drinking… They’ll be cool and calm no matter what happens – even if others are getting upset around them… And, most importantly, they aren’t looking to others for attention and approval. They’re doing their own thing, and enjoying whatever happens.

BEING INDIFFERENT

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Most people in this world are ATTACHED to the outcomes of things. They’re constantly worrying about what’s going to happen… and talking about the future in a fearful, uncertain way.

This type of person always wants to know what other people think of them, and they’re worrying about what they should do so other people will like them. Unfortunately, this almost ALWAYS comes across as INSECURITY.

An INDIFFERENT person, on the other hand, just goes about life and takes things as they come.

The indifferent person is INDIFFERENT to the outcome of whatever situation they’re in.

If it’s a man, and he’s approaching a woman, he will be OK with whatever happens. If she’s nice to him, great. If she’s uptight, no problem. If she’s rich, famous, and beautiful… and starts coming on to him, fine. No big deal.

When you are ATTACHED to the outcome of a situation, it makes you act all kinds of freaky. You pause, act nervous, hold back, look for approval, act insecure… and any of 100 other unattractive things.

On the other hand, when you’re INDIFFERENT to the outcome, it makes you MAGNETIC. Especially when it comes to women and dating. Indifference is the ultimate way to show a LACK of insecurity in life.

BEING FUNNY

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Humor is magic.

It’s a complete mystery why we find things “funny” and why we “laugh”.

Crying because someone died makes some logical sense. It’s a bad thing, and crying expresses a negative emotion.

But when you see a dog run into a window because he doesn’t see it… and he gets a confused look on his face, you LAUGH. What’s with that?

Humor is interesting to me, in that if you’re funny, it makes people FEEL GOOD inside. They laugh, and it triggers positive feelings.

If you’re not naturally funny, it’s a great skill to learn. Read books. Watch live comedy. Do whatever it takes to learn how to be funny.

Most of the “coolest” guys I know are wickedly funny. Some of them are only funny on occasion… but they “get it”… and when they do make a joke, it’s DAMN funny.

BEING SOCIALLY ADJUSTED

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I know that this sounds funny, but most of the people I know who are “UN-cool” are not very adjusted socially.

They lack a certain something in the “social skills” department that makes it OBVIOUS to others (and especially to women) that they don’t know how to relate very well to other people. They just never learned how to make others feel comfortable around them.

If you’ve ever known an accountant or computer programmer that was brilliantly smart, but totally boring, you know what I mean.

If people act kind of nervous, strange, and uncomfortable when they’re around you, then you also know where I’m coming from on this.

I can’t teach you how to make people feel comfortable around you in two sentences, but if you need to learn how to mix with people socially, then start PAYING ATTENTION to what’s going on around you.

Watch how others dress, carry themselves, walk, and talk. Pay attention to little details… like saying, “What’s up?” when you meet someone new, instead of “Hello, pleased to meet you” and such.

…now, is this all there is to being “cool”?

Of course not.

But it’s a great start.

If you can first get yourself to the place where other people want to be around you just because they enjoy your company, you’ll find that taking things to the next level with women will be about 10 times easier.

I’ve had this conversation with MANY of the guys I know who are successful with women, and they all basically say the same thing… you have to learn how to be “cool” and make others (women) feel comfortable just being in the same room with you. And if you’re “cool”, this happens almost instantly. If you’re not “cool”, then you’re going
to have a hard time making ANYONE feel comfortable with you… never mind having a woman feelATTRACTION for you.

Now, I also realized that a lot of the materials that I teach in my eBook is aimed at this EXACT topic.

Even though I don’t talk very much about this concept (I will in the future, though), you’ll notice that many of the techniques you’ll learn from my materials will help you in a lot of areas of your life… not just with women.

As a direct result of the things I’ve learned about how to be more successful with women and dating, I’ve ALSO become more successful at things like being invited to “exclusive” parties, having famous and successful people pursue me as a friend, and just generally being invited into more “exclusive” social circles.

Why is this?

Well, for one thing, people who know a lot of “cool” or influential people are very careful about who they “bring along” to gatherings with friends.

The LAST thing someone “cool” needs in their life is an “UN-cool” person making a jackass of themselves in front of all of their friends.

When you learn the art of being “cool”, you start to attract other cool people. And those people will see that you’re not insecure, emotionally unstable, clingy, and such. They’ll see that you know how to handle yourself with other people (and with women), and they’ll start introducing you to other cool people (including women) instead of running away from you.

How to spot a Real friend

Friendship is one of the best aspects of life. That said, certain friends are certainly much better than others. A real friend and fake friend can be hard to distinguish, but they are very different! Real friends are people you can go to for anything. You know they will always be on your side, through thick and thin. Fake friends might as well be scum of the Earth for all the support they will give you. Use this guide to figure out if your friends are your real friends!

 

1. Support you in all your endeavors

A real best friend will encourage you with anything that you try! Whether it be taking up square dancing, or changing your career path, a real friend will be there every step of the way.

2. Love your dorky personality

We all have those dorky things we do on a regular basis. A real friend loves those things! In fact, if they are a true real friend they just might join in with you!

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3. Forgive you for anything

Sometimes you royally screw up. With fake friends, a mistake can cost you a friendship. Real friends will know that sometimes you’ll mess up. They will forgive you because they value your friendship more than your (temporary) mistake.

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4. Always have your back

It isn’t a matter of who is on the other side, what the issue is, or if you’re in the wrong – a real friend will stand by you no matter what. They always are on your side and will fight for you with no questions asked. That’s just what a real friend does!

5. Let you explore your interests
As we grow, we discover new interests, and sometimes they seem very unlike ourselves! Fake friends will make fun of you and tell you to stick to the status quo. *cue High School Musical song* A real friend will let you do your thing and encourage you to explore this new part of yourself.

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6. Know all your little quirks

We all have little quirks about ourselves (IE: we are cranky in the morning, we get flirtatious when drunk, we eat too many dinner rolls, etc.) that only our true friends know about. No one else knows you quite like your real friends. The fact that they notice those little quirks about you is a good sign!

7. They constantly keep in contact

Fake friends will only contact you when they need something or want to know some juicy gossip. Real friends will contact you wherever and whenever because they are always interested in what’s going on in your life. They don’t have to know the latest gossip about your relationship. They might just want to know what you had for lunch today.

8. They keep your secrets

If you can trust anyone to not gossip around town about your dark little secrets, it’s your real friends. Fake friends will treat your secrets like it’s nothing sacred. A real friend values your confidence, and will not tell anyone.

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9. Don’t have to dress to impress

If you have to put on really nice clothes, do your hair, and make sure that you smell nice just to hang out – then you know you have fake friends. A true friend will let you come over in sweatpants with unwashed hair. The worst they might do is make a joke, but they won’t really care at all. They just want to spend time with you. Real friendship is measured in how gross you can look when you hang out!

10. They make time for you

It doesn’t matter if they only have an hour between work and their pottery class, a real friend will let you come over for a drink any time. It isn’t a matter of time, it’s a matter of they want to spend time with you, rather than having time to themselves.

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11. Always have a shoulder to cry on

A big difference between real and fake friends is how they deal with your ups and downs. If you’re feeling down, a fake friend will pat you awkwardly on the shoulder and try to change the subject. Your real friends will wrap you in their arms and listen to you blubber all night, if you want them to. Real friends are there for you, whether you’re happy or sad.

If you’re trying to decide whether your friends are genuine or not, hopefully this guide helped you decipher which kind of friends you surround yourself with! It’s time to get real.

 

Later bro.

The Death of a loved one – Follow the grief down

Hey bro

You probably didn’t know but im still having issues dealing with the death of my Dad (RIP) and his brother – my Uncle Fred (RIP) and wouldn’t want you going through this too so i thought I’d pen a few things down to help whenever the sad time comes.

 

The death of a loved one is an event that all of us will likely experience during our lifetimes, often on numerous occasions. Whilst lives are often transformed by such loss, it does not necessarily need to be for the worse in the long-term. Dealing effectively and positively with grief caused by such a loss is central to your recovery process and your ability to continue with and fulfill your own life for the better. I have put together some notes in this section to help you understand some of the emotions you are likely to go through after the death of a loved one and to offer some suggestions on how best to cope and deal with these emotions.

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What is Grief? Am i Grieving?… I am Grieving.

You’ll grieve in your own unique way, and a general pattern will emerge as you do so. Those around you may be full of ideas about how you’re supposed to grieve, and how not to. You may be told that grief comes in clear-cut stages and may even be given a name for the stage you’re supposedly going through. You may hear advice like “Be strong!” or “Cheer up!” or “Get on with your life!” rather than be encouraged to allow your grief to run its natural course. It’s important for you to be clear that this is your grief, not theirs. You’ll grieve in no one’s way but your own. Grief is about more than your feelings—it will show up in how you think, You may disbelieve this person actually died, You may have episodes of thinking like this even long after they died, Your mind may be confused, your thinking muddled, You may find it difficult to concentrate on just about everything or you may be able to focus your attention but all you can focus on is the one who died, or how they died, or your life together before they died. Some people engage in what’s called “searching behavior”—you look for your loved one’s face among a crowd of people, for instance, even though you know they’ve died. You may become attached to things you associate with your loved one, like wearing an article of their clothing or carrying a keepsake that belonged to them. Or you may wish to avoid all such reminders.

It’s common to feel listless and lifeless, discouraged and sometimes depressed. Other strong emotions can still pop up. This is the winter of your grief—a long, slow, dormant period. In actuality, something is beginning to grow, but it’s hidden deep underground. A time of gradual reawakening eventually occurs, though you can’t always predict when. Energy begins to return. So does hope. Finally there comes a time of renewed life. You’re not the same person you were before—you’ll be different, having been changed by this experience, having grown. You’ll forge a new relationship with the one who died, a relationship that transcends time. This entire process is very fluid. It may not feel very orderly. These time periods will flow into one another almost imperceptibly. But when you look back, you’ll recognize what’s happened: by going all the way through your grief, you’ve taken the path toward your healing.

 

In all of this some facts stood out that help me keep my balance when i tend to get depressed, i reckon they’ll help you too –

  • I am an eternal soul and have the power to live an abundant and meaningful life. All is within me. I feel secure, protected and tranquil.
  • My loved one is an eternal, immortal soul who continues to live in another dimension more beautiful than the one in which I currently exist.
  • Since my loved one is very well and far closer to his or her true divine nature, I can be glad for him/her and can give joy to myself and to those around me.
  • Everything happens according to wise and just divine laws which give us the lessons we need for our spiritual evolution. For some reason, it was best for my loved one to move on to another level of existence and for me continue on here, without him or her.
  • Everyone on this earth has lost loved ones. This is a natural and universal aspect of material existence.
  • The departure of the soul from the restrictions of the temporary physical body is a beautiful liberation from a very limited incarnated state.
  • The loss of my loved one is a great opportunity for spiritual development through the cultivation of inner power, tranquility, security and self-acceptance.
  • I accept the perfection of the Divine Laws, and I release God, myself and all others for any responsibility for what is happening to me.
  • My loved one would want me to be happy and to continue my life creatively and beautifully.
  • I am a pure divine being and deserve unconditional love. I am acceptable, lovable and interesting as I am.
  • The loss of a loved one is not related to guilt or punishment but, is instead, a great opportunity for spiritual development and inner growth.
  • No one can be responsible for someone elses death. Each soul has selected the hour and the place when he or she will leave. Others are simply the instruments we use for our departure.
  • I can, even now, correct my relationship with my loved one with inner communication and prayer.
  • I open myself to my brothers and sisters in the family of humanity who are now sharing this planet. My loved one would want me to do so.
  • I share with others my sorrow and joy.
  • I find meaning in myself and my life by relating, serving, creating and evolving.
  • Life is a divine gift and it is my duty to use it to benefit myself and others.
  • Today, 40,000 parents have lost their children. Tomorrow, another 40, 000 parents will lose their children. I am not alone in pain. Departure from the physical body is a natural part of life on earth.
  • There is one universal life force, expressing itself through all beings. The same consciousness that expressed itself through my loved one is now expressing itself through every being around me. When loving and offering to others, I love and offer to him/her as well.

 

 

In all of this bro remember – Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.